A Walking Dead Parody Spoiler
by atoizzard
Summary: A lucky fan is invited to a local Starbucks in Canada for a (FAKE) meeting with Andrew Lincoln who shares a spoiler for 4.09. This is their email. [This is a FOILER/fake spoiler parody! Just some innocent fun during this tense hiatus]


Hey guys. So I work with Andrew Lincoln's friend here in Canada. He likes to come here every so often since we're still owned by the Queen and he's all about that commonwealth loyalty. (He said the Americans always give him a hard time anyway because of the stuff and thangs he carries on his person. He even tried eye fucking the TSA but to no avail).

He was craving Poutine and his friend invited me along since she knows how big of a TWD fan I am. I also know the best Poutine spots in town. He fit right in with his plaid shirt, trucker hat and Canadian tuxedo. I decided to soften him up with a Canadian-cuisine-double-whammy by first going for beavertails and then Poutine. It worked fabulously, he gave me a spoiler of 4.10. I'm so pumped now after talking to him. We all know he's not one to exaggerate.

He talked about how intense the plane ride over was and how our manners are mind blowing. He said he stopped by a Starbucks on the way to our office. He said it was stunning, he's never seen anything like it. He went on further to say that Canada is just so sooo amazing. He was a sweetheart. We got our Poutines and went back to the Starbucks he liked so much.

Before getting into any specific details, he spent 38 minutes detailing the awesomeness of the episode, its intensity and how explosive it's going to be.

So here's what he told me- keep in mind they're his words:

Steven delivers the role of a lifetime. He wakes up on the bus (having fallen into a coma after Maggie left him) and sees Tara driving. She nods to him, "sup, yo" and he raises an eyebrow but he's reached his line quota for the season so he just nods back. Jeanette lays a hand on his forehead and gives him a sympathetic look, telling him he wasn't as lucky as her since she only has allergies. She goes into a rant how Cold Carol didn't believe her. Her voice fades into the background as Glenn remembers what happened. Slowly, he pulls out the picture of Maggie and begins to sob. He slams his fist into the back of Tara's seat (she confuses it for a fist bump and ends up off the road but quickly swerves back). Glenn then yells "MAGGIE!" (Andrew said it's as iconic as Marlon Brando's STELLA!) Cuts to theme music.

The next scene starts with Carol scavenging a house. She walks into the kitchen, finding two walkers and uses the business end of the frying pan to smash their heads in. She gathers her supplies and leaves the house. She looks at her busted up station wagon. She huffs. She channels Antoine Dodson and says aloud: Rick, you are so dumb, you are really dumb, for real. She gets into the drivers seat and decides to turn on the tape player. "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor is on. (It was Gimple's brilliant idea to be subtle with the foreshadowing). She smiles. We see her drive away. Andrew said there's more but *giggles, ain't nobody care about Carol - even though he absolutely adores MMB. He wanted to get to the good stuff:

So he gushed about Norman being his loverboy for a few minutes. Then Norman came out of nowhere wearing raybans and licked Andrew's face. Norman then walked out backwards, not before he stuck his tongue out at us, and was swarmed by a sea of women outside the Starbucks wearing "If Daryl dies, we riot" shirts who then carried him above their heads into the sunset. I immediately got a notification on my phone, Norman tweeted a picture of the sea of women in a vintage filter with the caption "thanks Canada xx". Andrew then chuckled and began sharing how Daryl and Beth are going to have a magnificent connection.

After the Carol fades into the background, we see them sitting by a camp fire with Beth silently crying and Daryl close by. We see him knitting a poncho out of leaves and squirrel fur for her. The camera closes in on his arms, flexing and glistening as he knits. Beth starts to sing Hershel's favourite Bible verses, drawing Daryl in with her angelic voice. He places the poncho over her shoulders, never breaking eye contact. The camera pans out and we see a mega herd closing in on them. Camera goes back to Daryl as his hair falls into his face and he sees the herd with the mom eyes he has on the back of his head. He growls a garbled, "you bes' run, Beth". Beth begins wailing. They run to the farm house, Beth running inside while Daryl parkours his way up to the roof. The moonlight reflects off of his crossbow, allowing him to use it as a laser beam to kill the walkers. He has a better idea though. He takes off his pants and we see that he has knives strapped up his legs. He flexes his thighs and the leather straps rip apart. He picks up the knives with his feet, throwing them with deadly accuracy and all we see are walkers dropping one...by...one. (Andrew emphasized and paused between the "one by one" part). It takes him 2.5 minutes, but he gets every last one of the sumbitches. He flips his hair back, uses his heel to make a hole in the roof. He shoots an arrow into the wall below and swings down with the leftover yarn. We hear Beth gasp audibly as the arrow swooshes past her and into the wall. He drops into the living room into a solemn stance, with the moonlight shining in through the hole, casting a shadow over him. The camera is paused at his feet. It slowly moves up his body and we hear Beth sing-whispering MYSTERIOUS AS THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOOOOON and the camera stops at his sparkling eyes. Cuts to Hyundai commercial.

Andrew then began to tell me about Chandler and how he's grown into a fine actor. He also mentioned how stunning Danai is. Simply stunning. Their part of the episode starts with Rick and Carl stumbling into a quiet, suburban neighbourhood. Out from behind them, Michonne comes galloping in on Flame and pulls Rick up by the collar and places him behind her. '"CHONNE" he screeches. They stare intensely for 5 minutes. Shaking the thoughts he's having about Michonne out of his head, he yells LORIIII and we see walkerLori stumble out of a house. Michonne nods her head in understanding. "Me too, Rick, my boyfriend is over there at house #112." She tells Carl to clear the house his father is yelling at. Carl enters the house and sees two walkers heading towards him. He realizes he's out of bullets so he does the next best thing and annoys the hell out of them. They look at him with sad eyes as he recounts killing the boy from s3. He keeps a stern face, half-hidden by the sheriff hat, saying, "I did what I had to do." The walkers roll their eyes so hard their brains ooze out of their ears. Carl leads Michonne and his dad into the house. The camera zooms in on Rick who subtly tilts his head to the side, looks straight into the viewer's soul and says, CURRL. He continues to stare into the camera until we hear, "Yea, dad?". Rick blinks. He swallows. He blinks again. Then he says, "Christmas...and, and thangs.. ...gone" then he says, 'no, aw nooooo, *whimper* like his iconic s3 scene after Lori's death. He falls on his knees and slams his fists into the ground.

End of episode.


End file.
